Candy, Russian Butts, and Chihuahuas
by Hola-Meg-a-Cola
Summary: Answering Java Obsession’s Fan fic Halloween challenge. Setting: My Season 4. Lorelai signs up for one of the contests at a Halloween festival whose prize is tickets to Cirque du Soleil. But on the night of the festival, a secret rule is revealed, leavi
1. Lucifer's Dog, Charlie Brown, and Edmund

Title:  Candy, Russian Butts, and Chihuahuas

Author: Meghan_aka_KRAMMIT_THE_FROG

Rating: PG-13

Summary:  Answering Java Obsession's Fan fic Halloween challenge.  Takes place in season 4.  Taylor has had another one of his "brilliant" ideas and is now holding Stars Hollow's 1st Annual Halloween Spooktacular Festival.  It's full of all sorts of contests, but the most tempting is the Miss Halloween Spooktacular, whose prize is two tickets to see Cirque du Soleil in Las Vegas.  Of course, Lorelai wants those tickets.  But, on the night of the festival, Taylor reveals a secret rule which leaves Luke as Lorelai's only hope to win.  L/L.

Author's Notes:  Um, not much to say.  I'm a complete Java Junkie.  While reading transcripts, I just skip to Luke and Lorelai parts.  I'll try my best to keep it Gilmore like.  Chaos will ensure, I guarantee it.  Oh, I saw Cirque du Soleil not to long ago.  Words can't describe how excellent it was!

Disclaimer:  I own nothing.  It all belongs to Warner Bros. and the people who created to series.  I just use the characters in my sick little mind games.  Oh, and Jude Marshall and Pierre belong to me.  If you wish to use them, then just ask.

Feedback: Yes please!

                                                ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

            "Rory!"  Lorelai called weakly as she waddled out of her room.  She hated working on Saturdays.  Rory, meanwhile, was in a deep sleep that she planned not to wake up from.  She now attended Yale and was constantly driving back and forth between New Haven and Stars Hollow.

Suddenly, her eyes shot open as she heard a bang.  Rory rolled over to see Lorelai started rubbing her head.  Apparently, she ran into a wall.  Lorelai shuffled to Rory's bed and layed next to her.

            "Mom, you need to go to work."  Rory said, not moving.  Lorelai groaned.

            "I'm playing hooky."  Rory sighed.

            "Fine, but then Michel would find out and you wouldn't get a paycheck and then you couldn't buy your male nudie magazines."  Her mother flung her hands in the air and shouted,

            "I'm up, I'm up!"  Lorelai toppled out of Rory's bed and onto the floor.  She pulled herself up to her feet while muttering something about what she was thinking when she allowed Michel to be in charge of the paychecks.  The eldest Gilmore leaned over to her daughter and whined,

            "Rory, get up.  If I can't sleep, then you shan't either!"  Rory pulled her covers over her head and groaned.  Lorelai sighed and quickly walked out of the room.  A minute later, she returned with something in her hand.  Lorelai pulled the covers off of Rory and sprayed her with cold water!  Rory screeched.

            "Okay, okay!  Give me a minute to get dressed!"  Lorelai smiled and happily walked out of the room.

                                                ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

            The Gilmore Girls walked the streets of Stars Hollow in the direction of Luke's.  All their pop-tarts had gone stale and they recently ran out of Lucky Charms.  Both of them observed the orange and black decorations that were now being put up.  Lorelai observed a large jack-o-lantern.

            "Jackson was _weeping_ as we cut it."  A voice said.  Lorelai and Rory jumped and turned to see Taylor in his electronic wheelchair.  He was wearing a "Cosby sweater" which made him seem balder than ever.  Lorelai then cracked,

            "Greetings, Taylor.  What's with the wheels?"  Taylor gave a heavy sigh, observing his condition.

            "That hooligan Jude Marshall thinks it's funny to send his vicious dog Pierre on me just because I didn't approve of his green spiky hair!  Now I'm bound to my chair while that evil, maniacal beast walks free!"  He explained.  Rory looked confused.  She then stated,

            "But Taylor, the Marshalls have a chihuahua."  Taylor looked at her in disbelief.

            "That dog was harbored by Lucifer himself!"  He exclaimed.  Lorelai then retorted,

            "Huh.  And all this time I thought Pierre was just trying to sell me tacos." Taylor just shook his head and turned around and began shouting at the workers.  Lorelai and Rory shrugged their shoulders and went into Luke's.

                                                ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

            "Very sexy hat, Luke.  But I can't help but think that I've seen it before." Lorelai said as she and Rory sat at the counter.  Luke turned to them and noticed Lorelai's shirt.

            "Charlie Brown, huh?"  He replied.  Lorelai looked at her own shirt.  It was a tight orange t-shirt with Charlie Brown and Snoopy doing the Snoopy Dance.

            "It's funny that you noticed them, on account of they're on top of my boobs."  She observed.  Rory giggled.

            "Luke was looking at my mom's boobs!"

            "Stop it."  He quickly said.  Luke had started to blush a deep red.  Rory turned to Lorelai.

            "If he was looking at your boobs, then that means that he was having naughty thoughts about you."  She told her.  They erupted into giggles.

            "I beg you to stop."  Luke told them.  Lorelai faced him.

            "Oh, I see.  Are we interrupting your x-rated fantasies?"  She questioned.

            "If you stop now, I'll throw in two extra coffees with your order."  Luke offered.  Lorelai slapped her hand on the counter.

            "Done!"  She shouted.  Luke then turned to the coffee pot.  Lorelai then stated,

            "If you give us free chocolate donuts, we won't talk about your nice, firm butt."  Luke sighed heavily.

            "For here or to go?"  He asked.  Lorelai and Rory smiled at each other.  Rory then said slyly,

            "We want chocolate donuts here and we want some to go."  Luke groaned.  He then placed a few donuts in front of them.  Lorelai and Rory then started eating the donuts.

            "The Marshalls' dog attacked Taylor.  He's now in his wheelchair."  Rory said.  Luke turned to them.

            "Brave, very brave indeed."  He said under his breath.  Both Gilmores looked confused.

            "_Taylor?"  Lorelai questioned.  Luke formed a disgusted look on his face._

            "No!  Pierre.  I'm surprised that Taylor hasn't called the FBI on him yet for not wearing a leash."  He enlightened.  Luke then placed the coffees in front of them.  The Gilmores raised their cups in the air.

            "To Pierre; May the rest of his days be good ones."  Rory proclaimed.

"And to Luke's butt; Without whom, we would never get free donuts."  Lorelai continued it.  Luke quickly turned around and snapped,

"Hey, hey!  I'm giving you free donuts so you wouldn't talk about it!"  Lorelai scoffed at him.

"Be proud of your nice, tight butt, mister!"  She replied.  Lorelai and Rory then clanged their styrofoam cups together and took a sip from them.  Luke then placed a bag of donuts and the two free coffees in front of them.

            "You're a saint, Luke."  Rory said as she grabbed the donuts.

            "With a nice butt."  Lorelai continued after she seized the coffees.  Luke gave a heavy sigh.  He could handle one Lorelai, but as Rory grew up, she was becoming more like her mom.  And Luke certainly couldn't handle **two** Lorelais.

                                                ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

As they walked out of Luke's, Lorelai noticed an announcement which was hanging from Taylor's store.  She walked over to it, Rory in tow.  The paper read:

            _The 1ST annual Stars Hollow Halloween Spooktacular Festival will take place next Saturday, October 31ST.  The Miss Halloween Spooktacular Contest will be held then and the prize is tickets to see Cirque du Soleil in __Las Vegas__.  Anyone interested please signup inside.  Thank you- Taylor Doose._

            "I must get those tickets."  Lorelai said aloud.  Rory read over the sign.

            "You can dress up as something dirty."  She commented.  They looked at each other and giggled.

            "Well, Taylor won't react as we want him to react.  He's still pissed at Pierre.  Hey, maybe Pierre could arrive in a bikini!"  Lorelai remarked.

            "A thong bikini!"

            "They make thongs for dogs?"

            "I don't know.  I didn't even know if they make bikinis for dogs.  But then Pierre could howl the tune to Candy Girl."

            "Hehehe…Candy Girl.  I think the only albums in Jude's room are by Rancid and NOFX."  Lorelai said.  Rory nodded her head.

            "Yeah, you're right.  Oh, Pierre could howl a Disney song!"

            "Jude Marshall would let his dog howl to Disney tunes?"

            "The other day, he was humming Under the Sea."

            "Then we shall get Pierre to howl Tale as Old as Time."

            "Or A Whole New World."  Rory replied.

            "Wow, we're so good at this.  Maybe we could teach Luke that song."

            "Or better yet, the Doom Song."

            "We have much to learn from GIR."  Lorelai commented as they walked into the store towards the signup sheet where the rules were.  Lorelai seemed to qualify with all of them.  The only downer was that she had to wear a costume.  Rory handed her mother the pen.  Lorelai then signed her name.

                                                ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

            Lorelai and Rory walked into the inn, only to find Michel reading a French magazine.  He looked up, closed his eyes, and gave a heavy sigh.

            "Hello our Freedom Fri comrade.  How goes France?"  Lorelai asked.  Michel continued to read his magazine.

            "Not good.  Apparently, all we're good for is wine and cheese."  Rory then added,

            "And candlesticks who seduce dusters in little kid's films."  Michel raised his eyebrow.

"What is your daughter babbling about?"  He inquired.  Lorelai then replied,

            "We're making you watching Disney films all today, Michel, so that tomorrow you can sing Be Out Guest."  Michel looked at them with disgust and stated,

"You will do no such thing!"  And walked away.  Lorelai looked at Rory.

            "Follow him and sing Be Our Guest to him."  She hissed.  Rory placed her hand over her head and replied,

            "Aye-aye, Captain."  She then ran up to Michel.  Lorelai then heard the faint,

            "_Be our guest, be our guest, put our service to the test…"  She smiled at this._

            Lorelai then walked into the kitchen to see a very pregnant Sookie preparing orange and black cupcakes with little plastic spiders on them.

            "Hey, Lorelai, do you hear someone singing Be Our Guest or is it just me?"  She asked, not looking up.  Lorelai stood next to Sookie.

            "It's just Rory singing it to Michel."

            "Seriously?"

            "I taught her well."

            "Well, indeed."  Sookie finished.  She then dabbed a few black sprinkles on each of the orange icing.  Lorelai tried to stick her finger in the icing, only to be shooed away by Sookie.  Just then, Lorelai heard something.

            "Is that someone crying?"  She asked Sookie.  Sookie sighed.  She then explained,

            "Jackson has been sobbing all morning.  When Taylor and his people came and got the pumpkin, they carved it right in front of him!  Jackson treats each and every one if his products like his own child!  And they just ripped out Edmund's guts right on our front porch!"

            "Edmund?"

            "That's what he named this year's pumpkin."

            "Ah."

            "Has Taylor no compassion?"

            "He's probably still pissed at Pierre."

            "Justin and Annie Marshall's chihuahua?"

            "Mm hmm.  When their son Jude took him into the yard, Taylor walked by and was frightened by Jude's hair."

            "What does it look like this week?"

            "Green and spiky."

            "Yikes."

            "You can say that again.  So Taylor insulted him and as he walked away, Pierre jumped the fence and attacked.  Taylor's gonna be pulling a Speed Racer for the rest of the month."

            "So he takes it out on Jackson?  I'd like to give that man a piece of my mind!"  Sookie said angrily.

            "No, no, don't Sookie.  I just signed up for the Miss Halloween Spooktacular Contest and you nearly killing him might hurt my chances of winning."  Lorelai said quickly.  Sookie gasped.

            "You signed up for a contest?  Oh Lor, I'll do anything to help you win!  What's the prize?"  She asked.

            "Two tickets to see Cirque du Soleil in Las Vegas.  I was hoping to bring Rory with me so we could see well-built Russians men."

            "Vegas and Russians?  Of course I'll help!  It's a wet dream come true!"

            "Not if you lived in 1950-1980 America."

            "Yeah, true.  But if you win, you must bring a digital camera and take many pictures of their butts."

            "Yeah, and then we can print them out and bring them to Luke's and compare the Russian butts with his."

            "Sounds like a plan."

            "And a good one to boot."

            "Also, when you get there, get drunk and give someone a lap dance."

            "Can it be one of the Russian performers at Cirque du Soleil?"

            "Your choice.  _You're the one who's giving the lap dance."_

            "What would the town do if they found out that I got knocked up by a Russian contortionist and was having his baby?"

            "Then they would beg you for tickets on account of your baby's father will want to see his child in the audience and you will get them for free."

            "Haha!  Our plan has evolved into an even **better** one!  We must beckon Rory.  RORY!"  Lorelai called out.  A few minutes later, Rory emerged into the kitchen.  As she walked to her mother and Sookie, she stopped and listened.

            "Is someone crying?"  She asked.  They two inn keepers sighed.

            "Remember when Taylor said this morning Jackson was weeping when they carved the pumpkin?"  Lorelai asked.  Rory nodded her head.

            "Well, what if we told you that he never stopped?"  She continued.  Rory took in a sharp breath and muttered,

            "Oh boy."

            "Oh boy's right, missy!  And I will refrain myself from attacking Taylor only for your mother's sake!"  Sookie continued as she placed the cupcakes on a sliver platter.  Rory looked confused.

            "My mother's sake?"  She questioned.  Lorelai patted Rory's arm and said,

            "Russian butts, babe."

            "A worthy cause."

            "Wait 'til we tell you the plan."

            "You two came up with a plan?"  Rory inquired.  Sookie retorted while placing the platter on a cart,

            "A damn good one if you ask me."  Just then, a familiar voice called out,

            "Cirque du Soleil is French, not Russian!"  Michel walked into the kitchen, much to the dismay of everyone.  And even more to their disappointment, Michel continued,

            "My sister was in the Cirque du Soleil traveling Europe.  She was the lead contortionist, which means she was better than those damn Russians!  Anyways, she was performing in Madrid when _it_ happened."

            "She fell in love with a bull fighter, got pregnant, and then got real fat?"  Lorelai asked.  Michel gave her a perplexed look.

            "When the show ended, my sister was walking to her room when a…a _banana peel was in her path.  Her foot and the peel itself collided and from there the fire of chaos was lit."  He finished.  The three women looked at each other.  Lorelai commented,_

            "Damn banana peels."  Rory continued,

            "They must be stopped before they reach their most evil stage; decomposing."  Michel gave them all an icy look.

            "Fine, _mock my family's pain!  We are just the voices of candlesticks to you, anyways!"  He spat.  Sookie bit her lip to restrain herself from laughing.  She then asked him,_

            "Tell me, Michel.  How is she doing?"  Michel then away a little, his cheeks turning red.

            "She will return to the stage next week in Belgium from a three week absence due to a sprain ankle" He quickly answered and walked out of the kitchen.  Once the door closed, they all began laughing.

                                                ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~        


	2. New Daddy, Jude, and ChocolateChip Panca...

Title:  Candy, Russian Butts, and Chihuahuas

Author: Meghan_aka_KRAMMIT_THE_FROG

Rating: PG-13

Summary:  Answering Java Obsession's Fan fic Halloween challenge.  Takes place in season 4.  Taylor has had another one of his "brilliant" ideas and is now holding Stars Hollow's 1st Annual Halloween Spooktacular Festival.  It's full of all sorts of contests, but the most tempting is the Miss Halloween Spooktacular, whose prize is two tickets to see Cirque du Soleil in Las Vegas.  Of course, Lorelai wants those tickets.  But, on the night of the festival, Taylor reveals a secret rule which leaves Luke as Lorelai's only hope to win.  L/L.

Author's Notes:  Um, not much to say.  I'm a complete Java Junkie.  While reading transcripts, I just skip to Luke and Lorelai parts.  I'll try my best to keep it Gilmore like.  Chaos will ensure, I guarantee it.  Oh, I saw Cirque du Soleil not to long ago.  Words can't describe how excellent it was!

Disclaimer:  I own nothing.  It all belongs to Warner Bros. and the people who created to series.  I just use the characters in my sick little mind games.  Oh, and Jude Marshall and Pierre belong to me.  If you wish to use them, then just ask.

Feedback: Yes please!

                                                ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

            The next day, Lorelai and Rory walked into Luke's while hearing their plan.  Rory giggled all the way to the counter.  Luke turned to see the two happier than normal.  He knew better.

            "Okay, you two are up to something; giggles are never good sign.  What sick plot have you conceived?"  The Gilmores sat down.

            "I signed up for the Miss Halloween Spooktacular contest for the Halloween Spooktacular Festival yesterday."  Lorelai told him.  Luke restrained himself from laughing.

            "You're not serious."  He said as he began pouring their coffee.  Lorelai and Rory looked at each other, pretending to be insulted.  She then continued,

            "I am quite serious, Java boy.  It's worth it.  We get to see exotic, Russian butts."  At this, Luke nearly dropped his coffee pot.  Rory and Lorelai chuckled.

            "The winner gets two tickets to see Cirque du Soleil, which happens to have many hot, Russian men with nice butts in it."  The young Gilmore explained.  Lorelai then said to Luke,

            "Don't worry, Backwards-cap Man; your butt will always be our favorite."  Luke groaned and replied,

            "Drink your coffee."

            "Oh, not yet!  We haven't told you of our most excellent plan."

            "I have no intention of hearing it."

            "Ha!  You are the server, I am the customer.  The customer's always right.  So listen up, mister; when we get there, I plan to get real drunk and then perform a lap dance for one of the hot Russian contortionists.  If I'm lucky, one thing will lead to another and I will conceive his child, which will help me get free tickets to Cirque du Soleil."

            "You're kidding."

            "I am not!  I so intend to do that!"  Lorelai defended.

            "So you're gonna try to give me a little brother and/or sister?"  Rory asked.  Lorelai nodded her head.

            "Yup.  You'll have a new daddy."

            "Will he buy me a pony?"

            "No, but maybe he'll teach you how to sit on your own head."

            "Cool."

            "It's a win-win situation.  Except the part when I actually have to give birth."

            "Never the fun part."

            "But you'll have a pretty daddy."  Lorelai said.

            "Always a good thing, especially when we don't share the same chromosomes."

            "Hey missy, I won't have you stealing my man.  **You** give him a lap dance."

            "I can't; he's my daddy."

            "That's the kind of thinking I want you to do."

            "Thank you, mommy."  Rory finished.  Luke shook his head as he placed the coffees in front of them and remarked,

            "You're both crazy."  Rory took a sip from her coffee and continued,

            "Jealous that you won't be able to look at my mommy's boobs without it being weird?"

            "Jesus, what is it with you two?"

            "No boob looking today, I see.  Luke, have you been peeking at nudie magazines again?"  She asked.  Luke sighed and decided to play along.

            "If you must know, then yes."  Lorelai then responded,

            "What, my boobs aren't good enough?"

            "I just was looking at my Penthouse magazine which is currently under my hat, I thank you.  Why else would I wear it?"

            "It's perverts like you, Luke Danes, which make us B sized chicks feel bad."

            "Just doing my part."

            "Well, you're doing a pretty damn good job.  Do you also hide them between your Trekkie magazines?"

            "My hardware magazines, to be more précised."  He said, turning back to his toaster.  Rory then butted in,

            "Luke, you can't say all this stuff here.  You have to say it while you're between my mother's legs."

            "Stop it; I'll throw you out."

            "Oh, like you never thought about it."

            "Never did until you mentioned it."

            "So you admit it?"

            "No!"  Luke was starting to go scarlet.  Lorelai then told Rory,

            "Okay, babe, we've messed with Luke's head enough this morning.  We'll get him at dinnertime.  Luke, I need pancakes!" Luke returned from serving someone else's order.

            "What kind?"  Lorelai thought for a moment and then replied,

            "Chocolate chip."  Luke gave her the same look he gives her, the one where he questions her sanity.

            "You've been coming here since you were twenty two years old.  You know I don't have any chocolate chip pancakes.  Now order something else, or I will casually pass over you towards another customer."  He stated.  Lorelai gave a gloomy look.  She then retorted,

            "Well, you make chocolate chip cookies.  Why can't you pour the chocolate chip cookie mix in with the pancake batter?"

            "Plain pancakes or blueberry?"  Luke said dryly.  Lorelai placed her chin on top of the counter and said cheerlessly,

            "Plain."  Luke then patted her shoulder and commented,

            "Good girl."  As he left for the pancake mix, Lorelai stuck her tongue out at him.  Rory rested her head next to her mother's and said,

            "Luke's obviously moody this morning.  I'll meet you at the inn?"  Lorelai sighed.

            "Fine.  But gather toilet paper while there.  I must seek my revenge."

            "I'll do my best."

            "Thank ya, doll."  Lorelai said as Rory left.

                                                ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

            As Rory walked outside, she caught a glimpse at a tall boy with many piercings, black clothes and coincidentally enough with a green spiked Mohawk.  The sides weren't completely shaven off; just very short.  He was busy walking his dog.  Rory walked up to him and called out,

            "Jude, Jude!"  The boy, obviously Jude Marshall, stopped walking Pierre to see Rory run up.  He gave Rory a polite smile.

            "Hey there.  You're Rory Gilmore, right?"  Jude asked.  Rory nodded her head.

            "Yeah, that's me.  I just wanted to tell you that whatever inconveniences come across you courtesy of Taylor, we'll always be routing for you 'cause you stand for democracy."  She explained.  Jude raised his heavily pierced eye-brow and replied,

            "Democracy?  And all this time I thought I stood for anarchy.  Or at least, that's what my dad said."

            "Well, Taylor's a fascist."

            "Really?  You would have never guessed from the orange armband with the black swastika on it that's on his arm."

            "I called Taylor a fascist, not a Nazi."

            "That's what Nazism is; a fascist society."

            "I stand corrected."

            "Don't be too hard on yourself.  I was just insulting Taylor on a whole other level.  But I'm surprised that you didn't remember that Nazi plus Fascists equal the same thing.  I hear you were a Chilton kid."

            "As were you."

            "Not some of the happiest memories of my life, but still, it got me into Princeton.

            "Oh yeah.  Didn't you graduate last year?"

            "With honors."

            "Impressive."

            "You're attending Yale.  Now _that's impressive."_

            "I thank you for your compliments, Jude Marshall."

            "What are you majoring in?"

            "Journalism."

            "Yale's a law school."

            "Doesn't mean they don't have journalism."

            "Point taken.  Well, I hope you kick ass in that school."

            "I thank you for your enthusiasm.  Well, send Pierre there my love."

            "Will do.  He's a little rebel."

            "My mom believes that Pierre is trying to sell her tacos."

            "Actually, he does that often.  I told my mom once, but she didn't believe me.  She then dressed him up like a gay little French man.  It was disgusting."

            "People with French accents who aren't candlesticks normally are.  Well, I must take my leave.  I must approach another French person and collect toilet paper."

            "Sounds like you got yourself a crazy night ahead of you."

            "Nice seeing you, Jude Marshall."

            "Nice seeing you too, Rory Gilmore."

            "See you later."  Rory finished and was walking away when Jude called out,

            "Wait!  Rory."  She turned back to him.

            "I got a band, you see.  And we're gonna be playing at the stupid Halloween Festival, if Taylor hasn't already kicked us off.  And now meeting you, I was wondering if you'd like to hang out with me and the guys."

            "You got a band?  That's so cool.  My friend Lane has a band.  I'm unsure of their name, though.  What's yours?"

            "Suicide for the Sake of Crustaceans."

            "Creative and different.  You got a CD out?"

            "CDs, shirts, bumper stickers, buttons, you name it.  Apparently we have a cult following here in the Tri-State area according to Dan, our guitarist."

            "I clap for your success.  What do you play?"

            "Bass.  Been playing since the 5th grade."

            "Cool.  I'll see if my mother can spare me for a half an hour when there. Later."  Rory said and waved good-bye.  Jude did the same and turned to Pierre.  Pierre was now trying to run towards Taylor's unoccupied electric wheelchair.  Kirk and Miss Patty were making Taylor walk around with crutches.  Jude smirked at his dog and asked him,

            "Need to go to the bathroom, Pierre?"  He and the chihuahua walked over towards the chair…

                                                ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Lorelai sat in a state of slump when Luke plopped her pancakes in front of her, causing her to jump from her spot.

            "This'll make you wider than the counter.  Enjoy."  He said dully and returned the coffee machine.  Lorelai observed her food when she gasped loudly.  She barely said,

            "Luke, you made me the pancakes!"  Luke had mixed the chocolate chip mix with the pancake batter and made her the chocolate chip pancakes.  Lorelai's hands were still on top of her mouth.  Luke sighed.

            "Well, you made such a big deal about them, so I decided to shut you up and made you them."  He explained.  Lorelai jumped up and hugged him.  After a moment, Lorelai sat back down and grabbed her knife and fork.

            "Luke, you're too good to me!  This Christmas, expect a new hat and a stack of nudie magazines." She said as she pulled out her cell phone.  Luke caught sight of it and immediately demanded,

            "Hey, hey!  No cell phones.  I just made you your damn pancakes; the least you could do is follow the rules!"  As Lorelai dialed she inquired,

            "Do you want your diner to be toilet papered?"  Luke was a bit taken back.

            "No, of course not."

            "Well, I must call off the rest of the troops that were doing the t.p.-ing."  She explained.  Luke had a blank expression on his face.

            "You were gonna toilet paper my diner because I wasn't gonna serve you chocolate chip pancakes?"  He questioned.  Lorelai brought the cell phone to her ear and an expression of remorse appeared.

            "Well, I wanted chocolate chip pancakes **really** badly."  Was all she said before Rory answered.

            "Hello?"

            "Hey, babe."

            "Mom?"

            "No, this is the frat boy from the other night.  Have you seen my pants?"

            "What's up mom?"

            "Toilet papering is off."

            "Really?  Darn, and I had just found the cottony soft ones, too."

            "Luke made me the pancakes."

            "He did?  Save me some!"

            "I'll try, but I can't guarantee anything.  [Took a bite of them] It's just like I dreamed they would taste!"

            "You dream about eating pancakes?"

            "Shut up.  You dream about Taylor wearing tight, leather pants.

            "It was just that once!  Anyways, _you're the one who dreamed that you and Luke were gonna have twins."_

            "Okay, another word about that and the whip comes out."

            "Well, see you at the inn.  Bye mom."

            "Bye, Rory."

            "Oh, and can you get me the number of that frat boy?  I think his pants are in the back of my car."

            "For your sake, they better not be."  The two then hung up.  Lorelai immediately returned to her eating.  Luke just shook his head.  Never had he seen anyone with an appetite like hers, except for Rory.  These days, Rory was becoming more and more like her mother, which in some ways was NOT a good thing.

            "She gets more like you everyday."  He commented.  Lorelai took a sip of her coffee.

            "Mysterious and sexy?"  She asked.

            "No; Hungry and annoying."  Luke responded.  In actual truth, Lorelai was quite right.  It was no secret that Luke liked Lorelai.  And between Rory and Sookie, it was no surprise that Lorelai liked him back.  But, alas, stubbornness has kept them apart and it drove all of Stars Hollow's citizens out of their minds.

                                                ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

            Lorelai had finished half of her pancakes when she dropped her fork and knife.  She gave a long groan.  Luke walked from behind the counter with plates in his hands when he noticed her groaning.

            "See?  That's another reason why I wasn't gonna serve you them."  He commented.  Lorelai glanced at him and stuck out her tongue at him.

            "I saw that."  Luke said as he placed the orders on the customer's table.  Lorelai stuck her tongue back in and turned back to her pancakes.  She felt nauseous.  _Too many pancakes_, Lorelai thought miserably.  Luke walked back behind the counter.

            "You don't look to good."  He told her, concern in his voice.  Lorelai groaned.  She then replied,

            "I feel huge."

            "How huge?"

            "Anna Nicole Smith huge."

            "That's pretty damn huge."  He commented.  Lorelai's head hit the counter.  Luke sighed.

            "That's it.  No more chocolate chip pancakes for you."  Lorelai's head popped up, her mouth had dropped as far as it would go.

            "You can't do that to me, Luke Danes.  Has the term 'The customer is always right' ever reached your ears?"  She retorted.  Luke reached for the rest of the pancakes, only to be smacked away by Lorelai.

            "Rory wants some.  Just wrap it up."  She clarified.  Luke sighed and took the pancakes back to be wrapped up.  Lorelai smiled at him and commented,

            "You're a doll."  Luke turned to her, gave a little smirk, and continued to his destination.  It had been five months since Jess left, and Luke had now finally regained his patience with the Gilmores again.  Jess never called him, and Luke never bothered to call him since he knew were his was; living with Jimmy.  Luke and Jimmy never were friends, and to call them would not only be fruitless, but would make Luke aggravated and grumpier than normal.  Truth be told, it was usually Lorelai's daily visits that brought him happiness, despite what it seems.

                                                ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


	3. Take My Breath Away

Title:  Candy, Russian Butts, and Chihuahuas

Author: Meghan_aka_KRAMMIT_THE_FROG

Rating: PG-13

Summary:  Answering Java Obsession's Fan fic Halloween challenge.  Takes place in season 4.  Taylor has had another one of his "brilliant" ideas and is now holding Stars Hollow's 1st Annual Halloween Spooktacular Festival.  It's full of all sorts of contests, but the most tempting is the Miss Halloween Spooktacular, whose prize is two tickets to see Cirque du Soleil in Las Vegas.  Of course, Lorelai wants those tickets.  But, on the night of the festival, Taylor reveals a secret rule which leaves Luke as Lorelai's only hope to win.  L/L.

Author's Notes:  Um, not much to say.  I'm a complete Java Junkie.  While reading transcripts, I just skip to Luke and Lorelai parts.  I'll try my best to keep it Gilmore like.  Chaos will ensure, I guarantee it.  Oh, I saw Cirque du Soleil not to long ago.  Words can't describe how excellent it was!

Disclaimer:  I own nothing.  It all belongs to Warner Bros. and the people who created to series.  I just use the characters in my sick little mind games.  Oh, and Jude Marshall and Pierre belong to me.  If you wish to use them, then just ask.

Feedback: Yes please!

                                                            ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

            Rory ran out of her house to her car.  It was a graduation present from her grandparents, who were also paying for her college education.  Her first class started at 9:00 AM and she didn't want to be late.  As she opened the door, she heard a voice call out,

            "Hello, Miss Gilmore."  She turned her head and smiled.  There Jude stood, Pierre in his arms.  He walked up the driveway.

            "As much as I would like to chat with you, my political history class starts in about an hour."  Rory explained.  Jude began stroking Pierre.

            "Taylor hasn't kicked us off the Festival yet."

            "Really.  Hmm.  He must be desperate."

            "Either that or our fans found his address and are threatening his life."

            "Maybe we'll get lucky and find ourselves a Travis Burkle."

            "I don't know; Stars Hollow lacks crazy, Vietnam vets."  Jude commented.

            "Hey, maybe Kirk will go crazy from living with his mom and attempt it."

            "Yeah, except for one thing; Kirk doesn't have a set."

            "Set of what-oh, I get it.  Eww."  Rory uttered, as she soon understood the reply.

            "Obviously you don't talk about a guy's manhood that often."

            "No, me and my mom are butt-people."

            "Glad you're nothing abnormal."

            "My self-esteem is soaring now."

            "I'm happy to contribute."

            "I gotta go."

            "When ya gotta go, ya gotta go."

            "You know, the police officer in The Godfather said that before he got shot in the head."  Rory told him.

            "Better watch my ass, then."

            "I suggest it."

            "See you around, then.  And watch out for Sonny Corleone."  Jude said, returning to The Godfather references.

            "Sonny's dead."

            "Or so we think."

            "Good-bye, Jude."  Rory said impatiently.  She couldn't help but smile a little before she stepped into her car.  Jude stepped to the side to so Rory could pull out her car.  As she did, her smile widened and so did his.  Before Rory drove away, Jude cried out,

            "Hey, Rory!"  She looked out her window.

            "My cousin Sissy is coming back tomorrow."  He said slyly.  A confused look came over Rory's face.  She then questioned him,

            "What does that have to do with anything?"  Jude chuckled to himself as he moved closer to her car.

            "Sissy was Luke's old High School sweetheart before Rachel came around."  He explained.  Rory motioned him to continue.

            "She still loves him.  And if you happen to notice, Luke wants to bone your mom.  He loves her, everyone knows it.  And when Luke is in love with someone else, Sissy's pissed.  Just don't tell Luke this; it takes all the fun out of life."  Jude finished.  Rory couldn't say anything.  She took in a deep breath.

            "Thanks for telling me, Jude.  And I promise not to tell."  She said politely.  Rory then sped off.  Jude sighed.

            "You like her, Pierre?"  He asked his chihuahua.  Pierre gave a whimper.  Jude continued to look in the direction of Rory's car.

            "All in good time, Pierre.  She's formed a grudge against guys like us because of that asshole, Jess.  I'd give her a few more weeks."  He continued.  Jude then walked in the opposite direction.  What he and Rory didn't know was that Lorelai had witnessed the whole thing, though she never heard a word.

                                                            ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

            Lorelai walked into Luke's with a sullen expression on her face.  She sat herself at the counter and waited for Luke to come.  When he did, Lorelai whined,

            "Luke, I need coffee."  Luke sighed.  He grabbed the coffee pot and said,

            "It's decaf."  Lorelai's jaw dropped in disgust.  She then started complaining,

            "How could you do such a thing to me, Luke?"

            "Easy.  I took the decaf pot and poured it into your cup."

            "Your dollness is gone; vanished."

            "And so's your chance at regular coffee."

            "Damn't!  Why must you spoil my dreams?"

            "You dream about coffee?"

            "Shut up, **Butch.  What do you dream about?"  She asked him.  Luke went silent.  In truth, he dreamed about her practically every night.  But he wasn't gonna say it out loud.  All Luke said was,**

            "None of your damn business."  Lorelai picked up her cup, tasted a little, and immediately cringed.

            "Somebody's _muy_ grouchy this morning."  She said, braving another sip.  Luke sighed, grabbed her cup, and poured it in the sink.  He took the regular coffee pot and poured it into her cup.

            "He's your damn coffee."  Luke said, sitting it in front of her.  Lorelai smiled sweetly and told him,

            "Your dollness has returned."  They looked each other in the eye for a moment.  Just then, Taylor barged in, or at least, in his electric wheelchair he did.  Luke groaned.

            "What do you want, Taylor?"  Taylor motored himself up to the counter.  He gave a fake smile.

            "You know, Luke, the 1st Annual Stars Hollow Halloween Spooktacular Festival is this Saturday, and it would mean the _world_ to its citizens if you-"

            "No, Taylor."  Luke said immediately.  Taylor was taken back.

            "B-but you haven't even heard my proposal!"

            "I don't care.  I want you out of my diner.  Now."

            "Can't you at least open a coffee stand there?"

            "Taylor, no!"  Luke shouted at him.  Lorelai looked out the window.  She then commented,

            "Hey Taylor, is that Pierre that's doing all those naughty things to those cats?  Sweet Jesus, God is really letting him do that!?"  A horrified look appeared on Taylor's face.  He turned his wheelchair around and sped to the door, shouting,

            "Jude Marshall, you keep that hell hound away from those black cats!  They're purebreds!"  One of the customers opened the door for Taylor as he glided out.  Luke turned to Lorelai.

            "Thanks."  He said appreciably.  She smiled at him and replied,

            "No big.  I like deceiving Taylor."  Luke gave a smirk and said,

            "Drink your coffee."

                                                            ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

            An hour later, Lorelai walked into the kitchen of the Dragonfly Inn to see Sookie dictating the other cooks.  Instead of cooking, they were hanging up decorations.  Sookie saw Lorelai and said,

            "Hey, Lor!  What do you think?  I want it to look super festive."  Lorelai observed a hanging ghost near her.  As she reached out her hand, the ghost started shaking and making noises (A/N- Have you ever seen those things?  I hate them so much!!!).  She let a horrified scream as she quickly backed away from it.  Sookie rushed to her side.

            "Oh, honey, are you okay?"  She asked sympathetically.  Lorelai gave a cold glance at the ghost as it turned off.

            "That ghost was brought forth by the devil, Sookie.  We must take it down."  She said seriously.  Just then, Michel walked in, papers in hand, when he saw the ghost.  It immediately turned on and sent Michel flying out the door, his papers going in all directions!  Sookie looked at Lorelai, giving off an expression which said '_Can we please keep it up?'.   Lorelai looked Sookie in the eyes._

            "No, Sookie.  If it were any other object, I would say, 'Hells yes!'.  But not with that."  She told her longtime friend.  Sookie looked sadly at her and somberly called to one of the workers,

            "Take it down."  From the back, they heard a door open.  In walked Jackson, a crate of vegetables in his hands.  He smiled at his wife and Lorelai.

            "Good morning, ladies.  How goes the Inn?"  He kindly asked.  A wide smile went across Sookie's face as she walked over and embraced Jackson after he placed the crate on the counter.  They gave a little kiss and turned to Sookie's belly.  Jackson rubbed it a bit and the soon-to-be parents turned to Lorelai.  She smiled as she slowly walked over to them.

            "Only a couple more months to go.  How ya holding' up, Jackson?"  She asked him.  Jackson sighed.

            "I remember when Edmund was no bigger than my fist.  At least Sookie chops up my vegetables when I'm gone.  But to do it on the porch where our child will play?  That's just sick.  I will avenge Edmund's untimely going, mark my words."  He said very sternly.  Sookie sighed through her teeth.  Lorelai decided to change the subject;

            "Halloween's this Saturday.  You dressin' up?"  A relieved look appeared on both Sookie and Jackson's faces.  Jackson replied,

            "Yes, we are.  I already have my costume."  Sookie looked at her husband questionably and inquired,

            "You got your costume without me?"  Jackson groaned.

            "I thought you had yours already!  You're the same thing every year!"

            "But we always buy them together!"

            "Well…buy one with Lorelai and Rory."

            "I can't believe you broke our tradition, Jackson."

            "Oh, come on, Sookie!"  Jackson shouted.  He threw his hands in the air as he walked out of the kitchen.  A depressed look came over Sookie.  Lorelai stuck her tongue into her cheek and gave Sookie a little hug.

            "This Thursday we'll go shopping.  How's that sound, hon?"  She asked her friend.  Sookie cheerlessly nodded her head.

                                                            ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

            Rory drove her car into her driveway at 6:00 PM.  As the car door opened, she dragged herself out.  _Another exhausting day at Yale University_, Rory thought.  _If I can barely do it, then how the hell did George W. Bush?_, she continued thinking.  Rory popped out the cassette from her radio and stuck it in with her books.  She tape recorded all her classes so that she could listen to them while riding home.  Rory was walking to the door of her house when someone called out,

            "Gee, Miss Gilmore, don't cha know the saying, 'All work and no play makes an ex-Chilton a Chilton again'?"  She turned around to see Jude standing there, clad in leather.  Pierre was sniffing at the ground near Jude's feet.  Rory sighed.

            "Don't you have a home, Jude?"  She asked.  He smirked at her.

            "If I keep pissing off Taylor, my mom will kick me out of the basement."  Jude replied.  Rory walked up to him, smiling a bit.

            "I wouldn't expect a Princeton guy such as yourself to still live in his parents' basement."  She told him.

            "It's temporary.  Once I save up enough, I'm gonna rent an apartment in Greenwich Village."

            "Ah.  That where _your people come from."_

            "Anyone who has their natural hair color in the Village should immediately leave."

            "Greenwich Village's Golden Rule."

            "That's the spirit, Miss Rory."  Jude said in his sarcastic manner.  Rory kneeled down and began stroking Pierre.  Although chihuahuas were normally nasty, he didn't even nip at her.  Jude looked longingly at Rory.

            "Before Taylor was bit by Pierre, he called me Good Charlotte."  He said aloud, directed towards Rory.  Rory looked up at him and restrained herself from laughing out loud.

            "You're kidding."  She said, trying to convince herself that.  Jude's facial expression stayed the same.

            "I so am not.  His exact words were 'Ya know, Jude, with that monstrous hair and women's jewelry hanging from your face, you seem like those fellows on the MTV.  What's their names?  Good Charlotte!  That's it.  You're one of the Good Charlotte fellows.'  You can't take an insult such as that without seeking revenge."

            "Agreed."

            "Why couldn't he just call me a Blink 182 fellow or a Green Day kid?  At least they stay true to their roots.  But it had to be Good Charlotte.  They're a disgrace to music!"

            "If it makes you feel any better, over the summer, someone called my friend Lane an Avril Lavigne gal."

            "Ouch."  Jude said while cringing.

            "She would have killed him had she not been wearing leather boots."

            "So close, yet so far."

            "The understatement of the year."  Rory replied as she stood up.  She fixed her book bag and looked Jude in the eye.  Jude himself couldn't resist the sapphire eyed Gilmore.  He cleared his throat.

            "There's a punk show tonight in Hartford.  Was just about to go until I ran into you."  Rory nodded her head.

            "Well, Jude, I'm sorry I stopped you."  She apologized.  Jude quickly shook his head and reassured,

            "No, no; I'm glad I ran into you.  Actually, I was wondering if you'd like to come with me.  And Pierre.  I can't leave him alone with my mother anymore."  Rory sighed and looked at her watch.  It was 6:05 PM and she was starving.

            "Sure," She began, "As long as we stop at Luke's for a burger or something."  Jude shrugged her shoulders.

            "Fine by me, Miss Rory.  But allow me to drive."  He cracked, showing Rory her keys right before her eyes.  She scoffed at him, shocked by the fact that Jude pick pocketed her.  Jude smiled.

            "Wouldn't want any _Yankees_ gettin' you, ma'am, now would you?"  He questioned in a Southern accent.  Rory rolled her eyes and laughed aloud.  She retorted in her own Southern tone,

            "Oh, those damn Yankees!  I hope _Ashley can stop them.  Oh, _Ashley_, with your golden blonde hair and pretty boy looks, how could those __awful Yankees **not be afraid of ya?"  Out of nowhere, Jude began laughing with her.  Rory never had these kind of conversations with Dean or Jess.  Only with her mother did Rory talk like this.  But strangely, she felt comfortable talking with him, no matter what the topic was.**_

They hopped in Rory's car and as Jude started it up, Rory asked him,

            "So, who is exactly playing?"  Jude handed her a flyer as he revved the engine.  She read it over.  The bands were Waiting for Sunset and Spying on Meghan (A/N- These are actual punk bands here in my town.  They kick so much ass).  He then commented,

            "They from a little town in upper New Jersey (A/N- Haha!  That's where I be at!).  Kinda like this place, only skankier since the old town locals have no teeth.  But anyways, their still in their early high school years, but good."  Jude rummaged around the dashboard and grabbed something.

            "Hey!  Put those back!"  Rory told him sternly.  Jude held up a round CD holder and flipped through them.

            "The Dirty Dancing Soundtrack?"  He questioned her.  Rory began blushing and remarked,

            "I like that movie."  Jude began laughing.

            "Taken a fancy to Patrick Swayze?"  He teased.  Rory punched him in the arm.

            "No, but my mom has.  I can never look at shirtless guys in black pants the same way again."  Jude placed the CDs back on the dashboard and pulled out of the driveway.  Pierre, who was bustling in Jude's lap, hopped over to Rory's.  She chuckled at this as she slid her fingers over Pierre's short, silky russet fur.  His little tongue began licking her hand.

            "Ah, that tickles!"  Rory yelped.  Jude turned and smiled at her.

            "You also have the Top Gun Soundtrack."  He said, his eyes returning to the road.  Rory narrowed her eyes and stuck out her tongue.  Jude continued,

            "Top Gun was bad.  At least Dirty Dancing had Jennifer Grey."  Rory grabbed her CDs and stuck them under her arm.  Jude smirked and muttered,

            "_Take my breath away…"  Through her giggles, Rory shouted,_

            "Stop!"

            "_Watching every motion in my foolish lover's game…"_

            "Shut up, that's a good song!"

            "_On this endless ocean finally lovers know no shame…"_

            "Mister Marshall, I'm warning you."  She sternly said to him.  Jude was laughing hard.  _God, she's beautiful when she's angry, he thought lovingly about her._

                                                            ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

A/N- Not a lot of Luke and Lorelai action, but just you wait.   I had to develop Jude a bit more so he doesn't seem like Jess.  And if I feel he does, I will try my hardest to change that.

Oh, and also, a lot of you thought the Lorelai and Rory teasing speeches were a bit over the top.  I apologize for that; understand that when I write these, I'm drinking an ungodly amount of Pepsi and eating a shit load of candy.  I tend to get a bit hyper.  But I promise to tone down butt comments.  Just don't expect them to disappear; the word "butts" is in the title, for Pete's sake!

            I would like to thank all who reviewed my story.  You all make it worth while!  Okay, I'm spent.


	4. Rasputin and Sissy

Title:  Candy, Russian Butts, and Chihuahuas

Author: Meghan_aka_KRAMMIT_THE_FROG

Rating: PG-13

Summary:  Answering Java Obsession's Fan fic Halloween challenge.  Takes place in season 4.  Taylor has had another one of his "brilliant" ideas and is now holding Stars Hollow's 1st Annual Halloween Spooktacular Festival.  It's full of all sorts of contests, but the most tempting is the Miss Halloween Spooktacular, whose prize is two tickets to see Cirque du Soleil in Las Vegas.  Of course, Lorelai wants those tickets.  But, on the night of the festival, Taylor reveals a secret rule which leaves Luke as Lorelai's only hope to win.  L/L.

Author's Notes:  Um, not much to say.  I'm a complete Java Junkie.  While reading transcripts, I just skip to Luke and Lorelai parts.  I'll try my best to keep it Gilmore like.  Chaos will ensure, I guarantee it.  Oh, I saw Cirque du Soleil not to long ago.  Words can't describe how excellent it was!

Disclaimer:  I own nothing.  It all belongs to Warner Bros. and the people who created to series.  I just use the characters in my sick little mind games.  Oh, and Jude Marshall and Pierre belong to me.  If you wish to use them, then just ask.

Feedback: Yes please!

                                                            ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

            "Okay, so I need to do the following on this paper?"  Lorelai asked the person in front of her, showing a blue piece of parchment.  Taylor sat proudly in his electric wheelchair as he nodded his head.  He then added,

            "That's it.  If you follow all the guidelines, then your chances of winning are pretty high.  Oh, and I'll put in a good word for you to the judges if you manage to get Luke to open a coffee stand."  Lorelai smiled and briefly looked at Rory.

            "I'll see what I can do, Xavier."  She replied.  Taylor looked confused.

            "Who's Xavier?"  He inquired.  Taylor Doose never read a comic book in his entire life.  Rory realized his confusion and then explained,

            "Um, X-Men.  He was the leader."  Taylor sat in silence.

            "What are X-Men?  Are they some sort of nuclear terrorists?  You two know I won't put up with terrorist jokes."  He sternly said to them.  The Gilmores rolled their eyes.  Lorelai smiled and quickly said,

            "Bye, Taylor!"  She and Rory walked across the street to Luke's as Taylor called out,

            "Your jokes are **not** appreciated, girls!"  Rory turned back and then pointed at something behind Taylor.

            "Taylor, the…giant…scarecrow!"  She shouted and ran up to her mom.  Taylor turned his chair to see at least a dozen festival workers trying to hold up a ten foot scarecrow which was about to collapse onto the ground..  He clutched his heart and started zooming forward, shouting on the top of his lungs,

            "DON'T EVEN **THINK** ABOUT DROPPING THAT SCARECROW!  FARMER HUNNINGTON WORKED ON THAT FOR SEVEN (Count them) **SEVEN** MONTHS AND I WILL **NOT** LET YOU DESTROY THAT JUST BECAUSE _YOU CAN'T FEEL YOUR ARMS ANYMORE!!!"_

                                                            ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

            Lorelai and Rory quickly sat at a table and observed the activities outside.  They bit their lips, trying not to laugh.  Luke walked over to their table, as usual, when he caught sight of the scarecrow fiasco.

            "What the hell?"  He muttered, nearly dropping his pad and pencil.  Lorelai and Rory turned to him and smiled.

            "Welcome to this week's 'When Taylor Attacks'.  On today's show, we will show you the gruesome homicides of over a dozen young men from Stars Hollow.  Who's the horrid killer?  You guessed it; Taylor Doose."  Lorelai said as her eyes returned to the window.  Luke gave a heavy sigh.

            "So, what'll ya have?"  He asked.  Rory, who kept looking at her watch, immediately replied,

            "Just coffee and a Danish for me, thanks."  Luke wrote it down and turned to Lorelai.

            "Coffee, my usual Danish-day Danish, and waffles.  It's a waffle kinda day."  She told him.  Luke nodded his head and left.  Rory dug through her backpack and pulled out a thick book and began reading.  Lorelai glanced at her daughter and sighed.

            "What?  'When Taylor Attacks' not catching your attention?"  She asked.  Rory shook her head, not looking up.

            "No, it's just that I was supposed to finish Animal Farm _eons ago and never got to it.  Now, today we're having a **huge** discussion about it in my English Literature class; next week we have to write a ten page essay about how George Orwell most likely based it on the Soviet Union!  Argh!"  She said, her voice full of frustration.  Her head hit the book and she gave a long groan.  Lorelai began rubbing Rory's back when her cell phone rang.  Luke, from behind the counter, shouted,_

            "Take it outside, Lorelai!"  Lorelai stuck her tongue out at him as she walked out.  In front of Luke's, she answered her phone,

            "Hello?"  Then, a familiar voice replied,

            "Lorelai?  Finally!  I've been trying to reach you for over an hour!"  It was her mother.  Lorelai restrained herself from groaning.

            "Hi mom." She didn't expect her to call on Tuesday, mainly because their dinners were on Fridays.  Emily Gilmore impatiently responded,

            "Where have you been!?  I had to call that nice French fellow at the Inn to find your cell phone number."  Lorelai sighed.

            "Well, mom, Rory and I were doing this new fangled thing called 'sleeping'.  Apparently, it's good for you, so we decided to try it out."

            "Could you be serious for _one_ minute?"

            "I can't be serious at this time of the morning, mom."

            "Well, try.  Anyways, your father and I, as you know, are going to be going on month long trip to Europe and we were wondering if you and Rory would like to visit us while we're in Venice."

            "You couldn't have asked us this question this Friday?"

            "I could, but then you would have already prepared a reason _not to go, so I decided to catch you off guard."_

            "Clever plan, mom."

            "Is Rory doing well at the university?  If she's having trouble, then I wouldn't _dream_ of bothering her while she's in an educational slump."

            "She's doing fine, mom.  It's just that she's still getting used to college life."

            "Oh, well, then I wouldn't expect it to be too much trouble if you two came up during a weekend."

            "I'll see what we can do, mom."

            "See, you were patient and non-witty with me, for once.  Why can't you be like that more often?"

            "Well, I haven't had my coffee yet, so that must have something to do with it."

            "Ugh, Lord, you have the same coffee obsession as your father."

            "Dad's got a coffee obsession, too?"

            "Absolutely!  I first refused to date your father because of his 'coffee breath'."

            "I so can't imagine dad with 'coffee breath'."

            "Well, he does.  _You don't have to wake up to it every morning."_

            "Mom, as much as I would love to stand and chat with you, Rory's got a class in an hour and a half and I need to get to the Inn.  And on top of all of that, I would really, _really like to have breakfast today."  Lorelai pleaded.  She heard her mother scoff._

            "You're at Luke's diner, _again_?"  Emily was in disbelief by the fact of how much time Lorelai and Rory spend there.   Lorelai looked into the diner window to see Luke placing their food down.

            "Okay, nice talkin' with ya.  Gotta go; Bye!"  She said quickly and hung up the phone.  Lorelai ran into the diner while Emily stared at the receiver for a moment and eventually placed it back in its original place.

            Lorelai plopped in her seat next to Rory, who only took a sip of her coffee before returning to Animal Farm.  Her eyes flew across the pages.  The elder Gilmore placed her hand on her daughter's book.

            "Okay, Rory, this is _so_ not like you to be behind in English Literature.  What's wrong?" Lorelai asked.  Rory moved her mother's hand from the page and reassured,

            "It's nothing, mom.  Absolutely nothing."  Lorelai gave her "the look".  Rory sighed and looked at her,

            "There was this assignment in Russian History class a couple of weeks ago…"  She began, which Lorelai quipped back,

            "Uh huh…"

            "We had to write an article about Rasputin …"

            "Ya huh…"

            "And I happened to focus quite a lot of attention on the supposed 'holy man' and…sort of…forgot to read George Orwell's classic novel."

            "Oh, Rory."  Lorelai said sympathetically.  Rory rested her head on her mom's shoulder.  College life was taking its toll on Rory, which made Lorelai more determined to win the Miss Halloween Spooktacular contest.  A week from Yale and Stars Hollow would do them both some good.  Lorelai sighed.

            "We need more coffee."  She finally said.  Rory moved her head towards her.

            "We haven't finished our original coffees."  She told her mother as she turned her attention to Animal Farm.  Lorelai rolled her eyes over to Luke.

            "Luke will never know."

            "He just delivered them."

            "Fine, if you wanna play that way.  Drink!  We need more coffee, child!"  Lorelai nearly shouted.  Rory raised her eyebrows as she saw her mother chug down her cup of java.

            "Okay, now believe me when I say I love coffee, but that…that was gross."  She said, disgusted.  Lorelai reached for Rory's cup, only to be slapped away.  The elder Gilmore raised her cup in the air and shouted,

            "LUKE!"  Lorelai bit her lower lip.  After a minute, she whined,

            "Luke…"  A gruff voice then hollered,

            "I'm coming, Lorelai."  Luke walked to their table, his coffee pot in hand.  As he was about to pour, Rory blurted out,

            "She chugged her last coffee in under a minute."  Lorelai twisted her head to her daughter.

            "I wasted fifteen hours of my life pushing out Rosemary's Baby."  Luke arched his brow and questioned,

            "Are you actually suggesting that Rory is _Rosemary's Baby_? Lorelai and Rory turned to Luke.

            "Ya-huh.  Got her horns and hooves removed when she was three."  Lorelai said, trying Luke's patience and sanity.  Luke glanced out the window when a shot of fear flashed on his face.  Rory waved her hand in front of him and stated,

            "Luke?  Hello…  Don't you wanna hear my mom claim that I have a tail that was never removed?" Giving up, the Gilmores turned around to see a woman, about Lorelai's age, walking around outside.  Luke backed away quickly and shouted,

            "Ceaser, cover for me!"  He nearly ran to the stairs, Lorelai tagging behind.  She grabbed his flannel shirt and turned him around.

            "Luke, what's wrong?"  She asked, concerned.  Luke looked around her, grabbed Lorelai, and dragged her to the back room.  He took in a couple of seep breaths and looked at his feet.

            "Remember last year when we went to my old high school and you started accusing me of having a girlfriend named Sissy?"  Luke reminded Lorelai, looking dead set into her bright blue eyes.  Lorelai started laughing, managing to say,

            "Good Lord, I remember!  The shorts!"  Luke grumbled at the last part.  Lorelai's laughter died down, as she suddenly realized,

            "Oh God, Luke, don't tell me…"

            "Sissy McDormand.  We went out my freshman through my mid-junior year.  Stalked me mid-junior year through mid-senior year."  Luke stated seriously.  This only made Lorelai laugh harder.  She was laughing so hard that she sat on the ground.  Lorelai finally started taking in deep breaths.

            "Why'd she stop stalking you?"  She asked, holding back her laughter.  Luke sat beside Lorelai and explained,

            "Finally got a restraining order against her, which makes the situation even more uncomfortable.  And Sissy…**not the kind of girl you wanna piss off.  I mean, she makes Glen Close in Fatal Attraction look like Carol Brady!"  Both of them went silent.  At last, Lorelai offered,**

            "Ya know…Rory and I can cover for you.  We like being waitresses."  Luke turned to her.

            "You're not serious."

            "Hey, we did it before.  Besides, we came up with new names.  And I can make it seem like I'm sleeping with you so Sissy-"

            "Please don't finish that statement."

            "So can we?"  Lorelai begged.  Luke continued to look into her eyes.  And then, Lorelai finished him off with that killer, Gilmore smile.  The grumpy diner owner sighed.

            "I guess…she won't be here long, so…"  He began when Lorelai threw her arms around him.

            "Thank you, Luke!"  She said happily.  When the embrace ended, both the single mother and burger-flipper looked at each other longley.  Both inched their way closer to each other when they froze at the sound of jingling.  Lorelai motioned to get up while telling Luke,

            "Well, run!  Get upstairs before it's too late!"  Luke nodded his head and shot up.  Lorelai got up and pushed him towards the steps.  Luke rushed up them and slammed his apartment door shut.  Lorelai peaked her head out, only to see that it was just Kirk.  She ran out of the backroom and towards Rory.

            "Hey, guess what, Trixie?"  She asked her daughter.  Rory continued reading and drinking her coffee.

            "I have not idea, Bambi."  Was all she said.  Lorelai grabbed the book from Rory and replied sing-songly,

            "_We get to play wait-ress!"  A smile went across the younger Gilmore's face.  She leaped up and the mother-daughter team grabbed some aprons and tied it around their wastes.  They sat in the counter and smiled giddily.  Just then, the woman, or "Butch's Sissy" as Lorelai would say, walked in.  She looked around the diner, her smile fading as she ran her fingers through her dirty blonde curls.  Sissy turned to The Gilmores and asked,_

            "Um, is Luke Danes here?"  Lorelai hopped off the counter and replied,

            "Still sleeping, I'm afraid."  A disappointed look went on Sissy's face.

            "Sleeping?  He never sleeps any later than 5:45 AM!  I would know!"  She said, worried.  Lorelai placed her hands on her hips and retorted,

            "Caught somethin' last week.  Sorry."  Sissy looked at Lorelai coldly.  She did not like the fact that this beautiful woman knew so much about Luke.

            "Well, tell him _Sissy_ stopped by, uh…"

            "Bambi."

            "Your name's _Bambi_?"

            "Your name's _Sissy_."

            "Point taken.  I gotta go.  And don't worry; Luke knows me."

            "Funny, never mentioned you before."  The two stood each other down.  Sissy then turned around and walked out the door.  Lorelai smiled in triumph.  Rory then tapped her shoulder.  Her mother turned around and replied,

            "Hey, babe!  You saw how your mom kicked ass, right?"  Rory smiled slyly.  Lorelai's smile vanished.

            "What?"  She asked.

            "You're jealous."  Rory said deviously.  Lorelai scoffed.

            "Of what!?"

            "Of the fact that Luke went out with a girl named Sissy."  She retorted.  Lorelai grabbed a pad and pencil and went to take a customer's order.  Rory followed.

            "Everyone knows it."  Rory told Lorelai.  Her mother gave a heavy sigh and went to the front of the diner.  She cleared her throat and asked the whole room,

            "Okay, who here thinks I'm jealous?"  Every hand in the room shot up.  Lorelai gave them all an icy look.

            "Keep eating…all of you!" She said, returning to take orders, ignoring the look of _I told you so that was firmly placed on Rory's face._

                                                            ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

A/N- Finally got that chapter done.  I would like to thank everyone who gave me **nice** reviews.  And now, I would like to damn a not very nice person (*cough* JAY *cough*) right to hell.  I'd like to see that asshole write a Gilmore Girls fan fic himself since he was so dissatisfied with mine (and a few other peoples, which I have recently found out).

I had to add some Java Junkie-ness in.  I was reading over some of my other chapters and noticed how much it LACKED.  But, all-in-all, I quite happy about how this chapter was played out.

            Oh, and if anyone cares, June 1st marks the beginning of the count down to my b-day!  YAY!  Okay, I'm spent.  Gotta work on the next chapter to my Jay and Silent Bob story.  See ya all when I put our chapter 5.


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